Today, I can stand here and say that I’ve found pieces of myself that I had lost throughout the last 4 years of my life. About 4 years ago, I was diagnosed with Polycystic ovarian syndrome. which is a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age. Women with PCOS may have infrequent or prolonged menstrual periods or excess male hormone (androgen) levels. The ovaries may develop numerous small collections of fluid (follicles) and fail to regularly release eggs. I don’t want to fill this entire post with only info. on this, but I’ve attached a link with more information.
PCOS, changed my life more than I expected. It seemed harmless at first..until I started to notice the changes my body was going through. I began struggling with infertility, mood swings, acne, hair growth, physical pain, and etc. I originally started showing symptoms a year prior to that. My symptoms weren’t being taken serious by my doctors. For a moment I thought I was just going crazy…
When I was finally diagnosed it only got worse. I had spent an entire summer on my couch doing nothing , but sleeping, eating, holding a heating pad over my pelvic, avoding everything and everyone. I fell into deep depression. I became suicidal because of it. I was struggling to love myself because of all the changes my body was going through. I felt like my body and I were on two different pages. Like I was having an outer body experience.
This really swallowed me whole. It was impacting every aspect of my life. I felt disconnected within my relationship. I didn’t feel “woman enough”. My friendships, almost all my friends were pregnant at the time. I couldn’t be close without feeling hurt and insecure. It was hard to be happy for them because I wasn’t with myself. Life, I was trying to find purpose of my own life. Asking myself who am I without the possibility of not having my own family. It was just crazy the toll I allowed this to take on me.
The worst part throughout this time in my life had to have been the physical pain I endured. It was a constant reminder the creeped up on me in the good moments and making bad moments worse.
Although, throughout all my struggles in life I have always tried to look at the positive side. I truly believe theres a reason for everything I’ve gone through. There is a positive side to being diagnosed. Which is how I found myself today. This allowed me to search within myself. To find my potential no matter the outcome I still have yet to face with pcos. I began exploring my life and my interests. I’ve become stronger throughout this. I’ve overcome a lot of obstacles I was afraid to face in the beginning. I’ve had a lot of treatment through the years. 2018 has improved so much emotionally, mentally, and physically. I’ve been able to manage my pcos for once since all of this started. I’ve taken back pieces of myself that I had lost. Its beautiful to take back what once was lost. I began to truly understand that my reproduction status doesn’t define me. I can look in the mirror and believe that girl looking back at me is…well me.Today I feel soooo empowered as a woman and a human being.
There are so many women struggling with this. I hope that anyone going through this can find some comfort in this post. Again, I’ve attached the link for anyone wanting more information on this.